bitchturtle

13,004 notes

gaimez:

Ten Germans try to say the word “squirrel”

As Jeremy Clarkson says: Germans can’t say the word “squirrel”. Though, to be fair, most native English speakers can’t say the German word for “squirrel” (eichhörnchen) either…

This is the cutest thing I’ve found

(via peetamellarkismyhusband)

322,850 notes

randomingoftherandomness:

shubbabang:

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i dedicate this comic to the teacher who pulled me out of class in middle school to tell me my bra strap was showing and that i needed to get a jacket to cover it up so that i didnt distract the boys

dedicated to all teachers, school administrators, parents, dudes, dudettes, random ass strangers, politicians and dogs who think that is a woman’s duty to ensure that men aren’t ‘distracted’

(via paragonapostate)

297,262 notes

edwardspoonhands:

lizziekeiper:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 
The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.
Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.
The End.

Date the waitress instead of your boring girlfriend?
Just sayin’

Agreed. Anyone who doesn’t appreciate your tiny crab doesn’t deserve you. This is legit weird…how did this even happen…

edwardspoonhands:

lizziekeiper:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 

The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.

Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.

The End.

Date the waitress instead of your boring girlfriend?

Just sayin’

Agreed. Anyone who doesn’t appreciate your tiny crab doesn’t deserve you. This is legit weird…how did this even happen…

(via solitudina)